The Pharmaceutical Journal
Vol 279 No 7482 p694
15 December 2007

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When the oyster will offer the world

The strange tale of the straight banana

Making “green” tea

Erratum

When the oyster will offer the world

True oysters are considered to belong solely to the family Ostreidae, with the common European oyster (Ostrea edulis) the best known here. However, other varieties have proved palatable, most notably the American oyster, Crassostrea virginica.

The oyster has provided sustenance to those prepared to run the slight risk of food poisoning from a “bad” one (usually arising from an unexpected decrease in water quality — oysters insist on unpolluted water to filter feed) for thousands of years. For most of this time they have been so ubiquitous (and therefore cheap) that Charles Dickens made his character Sam Weller observe, in ‘The Pickwick Papers’, “oysters and poverty go together”.

At about the time of Dickens writing this, the rapid industrialisation of Britain, with the concomitant explosion of the urban populations caused such a steep decline in water quality that the nation’s oyster beds were virtually destroyed; oysters were never cheap again after that.

The oyster has been subject to various misconceptions; for instance, that they are more likely to be bad during the months with no “r”, between April and September. This myth is believed to have been originally propagated in order to discourage harvesting during the spawning period, to allow the population to stay constant: a pity, perhaps, that no one tried that one with cod.

The other thing that everyone “knows” about the oyster is its aphrodisiac powers; this has never been scientifically proved (though heaven knows why not — anytime they feel like conducting controlled experiments, I’m in) although they are known to be high in zinc, an important co-factor in testosterone production.

Today, a possible new use of the oyster is being investigated. Scientists at the French Natural History Museum (Musée National d’Histoire Naturelle) believe that nacre, the substance secreted by oysters to prevent irritation by trapped grit particles (turning them into pearls) could be useful in stimulating bone growth, offering the eventual prospect of a treatment for bone deficiency disorders, particularly osteoporosis.

They claim to have observed a perfect bond between nacre and bone in in vivo bone grafts; they also believe that nacre may assist the body’s own natural bone regeneration process by stimulating the production of osteoblasts over osteoclasts (bone builders and bone crumblers respectively, a mnemonic I devised when I was doing physiology).

Needless to say, this is still a long way from a practical treatment for osteoporosis; but even if it eventually proves to be a dead end, it may have the consequence of boosting oyster cultivation in the 21st century. In which case oysters might become affordable again.

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The strange tale of the straight banana

Of all the many substances investigated over the centuries for possible psychotropic properties — mushrooms, toads’ backs, nutmeg, cow dung (don’t ask) — the strangest of all has to be the banana skin in 1966.

It appears to have started on a tour bus, in which “country” Joe McDonald and his band — known as Country Joe and the Fish — were travelling to a gig in Vancouver. As is the custom, the band members were swapping stories to pass the time and the drummer, one Gary Hirsch, asserted that he had discovered, by a process lost to science, that smoking the pulp from a dried banana skin would induce a high similar to that obtained from marijuana.

Far from attracting the derision of his band mates as one might expect, they accepted it without question. There may well have been an element of wishful thinking involved: pretty much every psychotropic had become illegal in the US and they could be sure that no president would ever outlaw bananas; United Fruit would have him impeached, or worse, in six months.

As soon as the band reached Vancouver, they bought a bunch of bananas and headed for the nearest psychedelic “head” shop where they could experiment in peace. The results proved every bit as good as Hirsch had led them to believe; at the gig that night, they broadcast the glad tidings to their audience.

The news spread like wildfire. A banana mail order business was established; recipes were printed in the underground press; and various people were accused of having been in the know and not letting on (among them Donovan, whose recent hit “Mellow yellow” was said to contain references).

In no time, the Bay City area of San Francisco ran out of bananas. But there was a snag; it didn’t work. No one was getting high; the banana dream ended as abruptly as it had begun.

So why had McDonald and Co’s bananas worked so well? Surely there were limits to the placebo effect.

On investigation it was discovered that all the time the band were smoking their bananas in the head shop, they were taking sips from a communal water jar provided by the management for their customers’ convenience — into which had been added 100 tabs of LSD.

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Making “green” tea

In a bid to reduce this column’s carbon footprint, we turn over this section to the eminent environmentalist, Sigrin Incorruptible, for some helpful hints:

“Good evening. Given that boiling a kettle is among the most energy intensive of household activities (apart from switching on an electric fire and nobody does that) here is my recipe for making tea with minimal wastage. You will need:

• Kettle
• Teapot
• Mug
• Tea Bag
• Blanket
• Sledgehammer
• Milk and sugar to taste

“Place the blanket on the ground (Note 1: best done outdoors). Place the teapot on the blanket and wrap the blanket round it. Take the sledgehammer and bring it down with sufficient force (Note 2: if under 18, remember to secure your parent’s permission first; mashing mother’s Meissen may make you unpopular). Place one mugful of water only in kettle. Place tea bag and milk in mug. Boil water and add to mug.

“Enjoy tea with clear conscience.”

Next: driving to Australia.

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Erratum

In my last column (PJ, 3 November, p508), I may have given the impression that the creator of LSD, Albert Hoffman was dead; in fact he is still with us to date, aged 101. My apologies, where appropriate.